17: The Fishrook

But, as luck would have it, first thing in the morning, Kurtis turned up, anyway. The worst of the weirdroot had worn off and my colleagues were in a fitter state, but as hungry as ever. Otto suggested filling up on weirdroot again, but there was a fat hog in the stables and everyone else was looking forward to bacon.

Otto sent Schnitzel in to fetch the boar, but the creature was about twice as big as the poor dog. I’m not sure how other rat catchers treat their dogs, however vicious they are, but it was clearly too small for the job, and it was getting badly beaten until Kurtis called it back. Otto clearly had no control over it.

We managed to kill the boar between us and soon breakfast was being prepared. Otto took a liking to one of the boar’s tusks and wrenched it from its maul. I think he planned to use it as a lucky charm or something like that. You would think a rat catcher would use a rat tooth as a lucky charm, but Otto had a mind of his own.

Solvej, however, noticed the piglets that the boar had been trying to protect. Was she being humane when she put them out of their misery? Was she just thinking of the kindest thing to do? Was that an expression of resigned sadness on her face while she was dealing with them? Or was that an excited glint in her eye as she stamped them to death? Was she actually enjoying the demise of the helpless squealing piglets? I wouldn’t like to comment but suffice it to say I was very concerned about her behaviour, and I resolved to sit down with her soon and have a few prayers and a conversation about the sanctity of life. And maybe tell her the fable of Shallya and the Rabbits.

Breakfast was delicious, and then we had the plan (I say we, but I suspect this was Otto’s idea as he was becoming obsessed with weirdroot) to leave some of the meat in the courtyard of the Griffin and lace it with weirdroot. Then when the Fishrook returned he would inadvertently eat the weirdroot and be at our mercy. What could possibly go wrong?

So we made a similar trap to the other night’s except this time with added pork and weirdroot. Gulgad and Kurtis laid in wait in the ruins of the inn while the rest of us hid in the woods. And after not too long a group did enter the complex. This was not the Fishrook, dressed in his stylish costume, however. This was half a dozen figures dressed in peasant clothes, and instead of wearing the flamboyant feather mask of the Fishrook they were wearing old sacks over their heads with rudimentary bird features stitched on. This gang was clearly modelled on the Fishrook’s gang of outlaws in the Fishrook Dalliance novel we had been reading. Erhardt tried to eavesdrop on them but he couldn’t make it out and so Otto had the great idea to quickly tear a couple of holes in his bag, stick it over his head, and use his boar tusk as a beak, and then join the gang.

He told the group that he was a new member, but they were immediately suspicious and when they asked his name, Otto lost his nerve and they turned on him. The group quickly drew their weapons and attacked. We could see this unfolding from our hiding places and so charged out to defend Otto, except for Kurtis who had been down in the cellar checking out the Fishrook’s costume.

The masked gang, to be fair, seemed more like kids than bandits, or cultists, but before we could reach them, one of them fired their blunderbuss at Otto, hitting him squarely in the toe. Then Gulgad hit one of them who feel to the ground bleeding. I rushed in to help Otto, who was lying on the floor in agony, but saw that the kid was in a much worse shape and so tended to his wounds, instead. I did a fine job, if I say so myself, and I think I probably saved his life. I could see that these were just kids, and they didn’t really have much of a chance against us. I appealed to everyone to stop the fight and calm down. This did the job and soon we were just looking at each other uneasily, as I checked out Otto’s foot.

This should have been an end to the fight, but Solvej, who had kept back a bit, to give herself room to shoot her bow, loosed another arrow at one of the kids and the melee began again. I’m not sure what she was thinking. When we first got together Solvej was definitely the least violent and most friendly of all our band. But since we had been in the watch, and then gone through some difficult times in the face of monsters and wizards, she had definitely changed. Perhaps she isn’t cut out for this sort of lifestyle, at all. I don’t know what possessed her to do it, what hint of mischief on her mind, whether it was connected to the infamous piglet stamping incident, or what. But her shot destroyed our uneasy truce and made the whole fight start up again, and we were faced with beating up the kids to save ourselves.

And sure enough, before long one of them lay dead. I don’t recall who did the deed, I was trying my best to stop the fighting, and saying prayers to Shallya. And then the Fishrook appeared. He came out of the ruins and appealed to everyone to stop fighting. Funnily enough, however, he did this with Kurtis’ voice. It was a clever ruse. He had obviously put the Fishrook costume on and was now trying to pass himself off as the Fishrook in front of his supposed minions.

I am not sure whether they would have fallen for it, but it was at that moment that Lady Gutele von Bruner appeared. She was obviously distraught at the sight of the dead kid. She explained that she had been the Fishrook all along, but she didn’t want it to end like this. She had just wanted a bit of fun. She had recruited the kids from the nearby village to act as her gang, like the gang in the novel, but didn’t think they would be in danger. This was plainly stupid as had they been caught, unlike Gutele who would have probably got away with just a bit of a scandal, the peasant kids would have been hanged. Gutele didn’t really seem to have a clue how the other half lived.

We sent the kids back to their village, carrying the body of their friend. But we were unsure of how to deal with Gutele. She had all the power of nobility, but we knew her scandalous secret. We accompanied her back to Ubersreik. Otto’s big toe was still hurting so we put him on Gutele’s horse and forced her to walk with us. This got her off her high horse, for a bit, at least. It was a long walk back and during the trek Kurtis managed to have a chat with Gutele. This was my mistake, and I realise I should have kept a closer eye on him, but how much trouble can one man get into during a short conversation? The answer turned out to be, quite a lot.

I didn’t hear what they were saying but piecing it together later it seems that buoyed by his (imaginary) noble blood, and Gutele’s, admittedly, very good looks, he asked her out on a date. Gutele had laughed at him and told him that that could never happen because she was a noble and he was an oik (factually correct). Then Kurtis had lost his temper and smacked her in, what Otto referred to as, the piehole. What was he thinking? He hit a noble in the face, in an unprovoked attack. People had been hanged for less. He had put not just himself in danger, but all of us.

In tried to smooth things over. Thankfully, Gutele seemed to have been chastised by Kurtis’ act and on the defensive, so I pushed our advantage. I explained that the last thing we wanted was for these events to become public knowledge. I also mentioned that I was currently working on founding an orphanage in Ubersreik and that the project needed support from prominent local families. By the end of our conversation, I had got her to agree to a fifty crown donation to the orphanage which was completely unconnected to my guarantee, in the name of Shallya, that we would not mention the Fishrook incident ever again.