31: The Emperor Wilhelm

Soon after getting back to Nuln we were summoned to the palace to talk to the gravin. She told us that while we were out of town the city had been getting rowdy and mobs, riled up by witch hunter Marband, had been on the streets. Fortunately, she now had to leave the city to attend her brother’s wedding, which would take place up near Bogenhafen. She had appointed us the guardians of the wedding presents, and we needed to be on the docks at first light, so had a day to tie up our affairs in Nuln.

From what little I knew, Karl Heinz, the gravin’s brother was younger than her so marrying in to the von Saponatheims would give him land and income, while marrying into the von Liebwitzs would give the fading von Saponatheim dynasty a new lease of power and influence. It was a wedding that had been planned since the two participants were children and suited the political ambitions of both families.

Kurtis asked the gravin about Genevieve who said she was sure justice would be done and that she thought Gustav would deal with the matter. We had to break the news to her that Gustav had been a cultist who turned into a diseased mutant. Kurtis got the gravin to agree to delay the trial until we got back from the wedding, while we also got her sanction to investigate the cult when we wished. I don’t think we were given any official powers, however.

For our last day, Solvej was determined to investigate Gregor who she seemed to think was responsible for the thefts and asked about where he might be. Some of the servant girls, who obviously fancied him, said he was playing regularly at the Duke’s Sword in town. She also asked them what she should wear to the wedding but was disappointed that it was to be a uniform. I think she wanted to get a new dress. Or a dress.

Erhardt went off to find some make up and Solvej tagged along. I am not sure what he needed the makeup for, though I imagined it was to disguise himself, or something like that. He managed to get directed to the Saucy Dwarf which had a number of women inside who were plainly well-acquainted with liberal applications of cosmetics, and they were very friendly to Erhardt. They agreed that they would sell him some of their makeup and as Solvej had expressed an interest, they agreed to make her up for him under the misapprehension, to put it delicately, that she might be working for him on the streets. In any case, she seemed to like her new look because afterwards she was reluctant to give the makeup back to Erhardt.

Meanwhile, I went with Kurtis to the Iron Tower to visit poor Genevieve. Thinking about all the weddings going on I asked Kurtis about my chances of getting married and he said that I needed to find a woman first. I told him I could marry Solvej but had to admit that she was the only woman I knew. I don’t think I want to marry her, anyway. I think I’d prefer a life partner who looks a bit more feminine (not Otto, though).

The Iron Tower was grim, and famous for its harsh treatment of prisoners. I expected Kurtis to charm his way in, but he wasn’t in that sort of mood and tried to intimidate the guard instead. That wasn’t like him but perhaps he was just worried about Genevieve. In any case he wasn’t very good at that, and he ended up having to pay 10d, which to be fair was a lot cheaper than my attempt to bribe my way into the jail in Kemperbad, which cost me a crown. That jailer must have thought it was Mondstille and Geheimnistag all rolled into one.

Genevieve was obviously in a bit of a state and confused about what was going on. I have never thought she was guilty of the crime, but Kurtis didn’t seem so sure and asked her about it. And she was adamant that she was innocent. Kurtis told her not to worry and that we’d be going away for a week, for the wedding, but he had got her trial delayed until our return, and he promised to be back within the week. I went out to talk to the guard for a few minutes so they could have some time alone together and spoke to the guard about cooking. He was a keen amateur cook, apparently, and so when Kurtis came out, he was happy to accept ten shillings to spice up her food a bit until we returned. It wasn’t until we got to the boat the next morning that we realised how far it was to Bogenhafen and that we would be away for at least a month. Kurtis didn’t think the ten shillings he had given the jailer would last that long.

Meanwhile pleased with her new look, Solvej went down to the Duke’s Sword to see if she could find Gregor. She bumped into Gulgad and Otto on the way. I only got this second hand much later, but I think Solvej was trying to walk more like one of the women from the Saucy Dwarf but Otto said it looked more like she had shit her pants, and to be fair, he would probably know.

Sure enough, Gregor was playing at the Duke and Solvej made eyes at him during his set. And when he finished his song, he came over to talk to her and offered to buy her a brandy. This was the great plan, and while Solvej distracted Gregor, Otto and Schnitzel moved in and swiped his bag. He went outside to check it out and discovered some bread and cheese and a candle. He brought it back in and told Gregor that he had liberated it from a thief, and Gregor bought him a brandy, too, in gratitude. Despite her best womanly wiles, or whatever it was Solvej was doing, she couldn’t get any evidence that Gregor had been behind the thefts. But Gregor was so impressed by the new Solvej that he dedicated his next song to her.

As luck would have it, the Duke was right next to a foundry and so on their way out Gulgad was able to buy four throwing axes there, and Otto saw about turning his goat-wizard horn into a weapon, but decided he didn’t have time before we had to head to Bogenhafen. Solvej bought a crossbow even though she didn’t really know how to use it.

In the morning we all went down to the Emperor Wilhelm. It was a huge passenger liner, that the gravin had hired to bring her entourage to the wedding, in order to make some sort of spectacle and a political statement. Stefan, the gravin’s top aid and gatekeeper, and a bit of a hoity git, was there to hand over the wedding presents and to assure us that if we were to lose them, he would see that we were hanged for it. The gifts were a chest of coin and a cask of finest Nulner wine. Stefan warned us that he knew exactly how much was contained within them, so we shouldn’t be stealing any.

We had been allocated three rooms together in the servants’ quarters of the ship and spent the first few hours of the voyage debating the best way to arrange our sleeping and the gifts to avoid any chance of them getting stolen. This was a serious effort to do our duty but after the first day I think we were all a bit more relaxed about it, and of the opinion that no one was going to try anything. Usually, I’m put in the same room as Solvej because I’m a harmless monk, but I decided to go in with Otto for this voyage. I think with her new walk and all that makeup and some of the stuff she had picked up from the Fishrook book, Solvej was scaring me a little bit.

Solvej soon bumped into Gregor again. I don’t think we knew he was going to be on the boat, but there he was again. I think Solvej had managed to give him the wrong impression at the Duke (or maybe it was the right impression, I don’t think I understand Solvej, or any women) and now he was interested in getting to know her better.

In preparation for meeting some eligible ladies at the wedding, Kurtis said we should practice on some of the servant girls on the boat. He said he would be my wingman, whatever that was, and we talked to one of the prettier servants. I don’t think I’m ever going to get married.

Otto tried out some of Solvej’s makeup, and I think it’s fair to say it suited him more than it suited her. He also tried to chat up Gregor and get him to write a rat catching song about him, but Gregor explained that his target audience was a bit more upmarket, and the nobility weren’t interested in tales of rat catching.

On the way back Otto noticed a small figure dart round a corner with his prized tusk dagger hanging from his belt. This must have been Glimbrin the gnome that keeps stealing from us. Otto and Schnitzel legged it after him but when they got to the corner there was no sign of him. Otto had a plan, however, and went to the kitchen to ask for a cup of flour. The Bretonnian chef said that all the provisions were planned in advance and so he couldn’t spare any, but Otto offered some money for a pie, and the chef agreed to bake one for him.

While they were guarding the presents, Erhardt suggested to Gulgad that they should have a look in the chest. It would have been easy enough for Gulgad to break the lock but Erhardt had his magic, whereby he would be able to open it without that being detected. He opened it easily enough and inside was some fine jewellery and a crystal, gold-bound box filled with gold coins. They closed the chest and resolved not to bother telling the rest of us unless it became important.

After the meal Otto got his pie and set a trap for Glimbrin. He filled the pie with weirdroot and put it in a likely location and then lay in wait with Schnitzel. Unfortunately, as he is apt to do, Otto fell asleep and woke to the sound of Schnitzel tripping his tail off. Otto managed to gather the dog into a blanket and looked after it until it calmed down.

Solvej got some more gossip from below decks, learning a bit more about the politics behind the wedding and also heard the rumour that someone fancied her. One night she snuck into Gregor’s room while she thought he wasn’t there looking for evidence of his guilt. But he was in his bed and woke to see her there. She apologised for being in the wrong room, but he asked her if she was sure she was in the wrong room. Solvej made up a story of having hideous welts on her leg and left as soon as she could. To be honest I’m not really sure what she thinks Gregor is supposed to have done or what sort of evidence she is looking for. Maybe she just likes being around him, after all. Maybe she is playing hard to get, which is a thing Kurtis once told me about, but I don’t really understand it.

I went to the kitchen and asked the chef whether I could use it over the course of the voyage to brew the potion I have had in mind for some weeks. Luckily, I can speak Bretonnian very well and so he was more than happy to let me. So, I spent an hour or so each day of the voyage making my concoction.

A few days into the voyage, Kurtis’ face erupted into loads of pus-filled spots. I diagnosed this as Packer’s Pox, and it was pretty clear that he must have caught it off of the creatures from the forest. Otto reckoned that Schnitzel had it as well, but I don’t think dogs can get it. So Kurtis increasingly stayed in his room over the course of the trip. I think he was more bothered by having his face affected than by all the itching and scratching he was doing.

And before we knew it, we had arrived in Castle Grauenberg. This river travel is extremely relaxing and pleasant. Sometimes I think that if I ever have to leave the Cult of Shallya then I would like to lead the life of a simple boatman.

We disembarked and took the wedding presents with us We all had to stay in the servants’ quarters, except for Kurtis who got to hang around the gravin’s quarters, but once the gravin realised Kurtis had the pox, he was relegated below stairs with the rest of us. He even told her it wasn’t contagious, despite knowing that it must be. It was a very stupid thing to do. Imagine the gravin catching the pox from Kurtis and then giving it to the countess. Imagine Kurtis’ fate, then. In any case he had started wearing his armour in strange ways and covering his face to hide his poxy features. I certainly wouldn’t say it was in Shallya’s plans to have someone as vain as Kurtis catch such a disease, but it’s fair to say, she can move in mysterious ways if she wishes.

Then, Erhardt got visited by a raven and he started having a conversation with it. He seemed a bit perplexed by what the raven had to ‘say.’ I don’t really know what it is with the Grey Wizards but talking to a bird seems to be the sort of thing they would do, when they could simply send a piece of paper with writing on. I’m not even sure it was an important message, and I suspect it was just Erhardt showing off and being mysterious.

And then we were called for dinner.