32: The Wedding Banquet

I wondered what to do about Kurtis. Was it Shallya’s will to have him poxed like this, at the most prestigious social event he had ever been to? Should he have to hide his face away amid the revelry? Was this Shallya’s way of telling him to get back and rescue Genevieve as soon as possible, and not be distracted by all the noble ladies? I decided to ask her favour, anyway. So I took Kurtis somewhere quiet and told him Shallya would be able to get rid of his pox, but he needed to promise to be a lot more amenable to her will. He needed to promise to turn away from violence and to help the less fortunate. He readily agreed, but at first, I felt he was not taking the vow that seriously, so I lectured him for a bit on the will of Shallya. I may be flattering myself but I feel that by the end of our conversation Kurtis was genuinely ready to give up violence and turn towards Shallya’s teaching. And so we prayed and even by the end of the prayer his face was already less florid and his spots less pus-y.

There was a large table covered in presents in the great hall at Castle Grauenburg, and Stefan told us that we had to add the gravin’s gifts to the pile. It seemed to me that just these gifts would be able to feed the poor of Ubersreik for a year, perhaps all the poor of the Reikland. Solvej and Otto brought the presents up and put them in place, while Stefan warned them what would happen to us if they were found to have been tampered with. This should have made us keen to keep an eye on them all night, just in case, but really just Gulgad, Solvej, and Erhardt kept watch while Otto and Kurtis went off to enjoy the party.

Kurtis couldn’t wait to tell the gravin that his spots were cured and that he would be able to sit next to her at the party after all. He explained it was all the will of Shallya and her approval of the pure and honest life he was living, but I don’t think the gravin was ready to put her trust in Shallya quite yet, and so she told him to go and sit on the table of the Dowager Duchess von Telland, instead. And she told him he should not dwell on her appearance but try to compliment her on her spectacular jewellery. Kurtis asked her if the Rottmars were around, but she didn’t know. So, he went off to look for the dowager duchess, but had trouble finding her. I think he was getting a little bit irritated by being ordered around and even being told where to sit by nobs. Personally, I think the gravin does a good job of supporting the local community and helping the poor of Nuln.

Meanwhile Otto had got chatting to one of the sherry monkeys. He had been ordered to carry the sherry around and pour some for whichever noble wanted it, but had been secretly on the sherry himself, and was happy to give Otto a big glass of the stuff, too. He told Otto that he thought Karl-Heinz was a bit of a ladies’ man and that Natassia von Saponatheim was a bit plain. Although Otto said she was better looking than his wife.

Taking pride of place among the wedding presents was a large glass cabinet containing a strange looking sword. The weapon looked weirdly sinister, for some reason. Erhardt was particularly interested in it but needed to touch the thing to get a feel for its properties. He managed to talk to Graf Wilhelm von Saponatheim himself, who told him he wasn’t entirely sure of the provenance, but it had been found in a tomb in the Border Princes. Erhardt offered to give him his magical opinion on the weapon and the graf hesitantly agreed. Erhardt got the vibe that it had come from a hot and dusty place, and belonged in a tomb, and it was magical. He heard some sort of howl, coming from behind him, but when he looked around there was nobody there. Disconcerted, he complimented the graf on the weapon and left.

Then the food was brought on silver platers, to the nobles’ tables. The rest of us just had to sit there and watch as they ate. Then, as I understood it, we would be allowed to eat the leftovers. I noticed the Bretonnian chef from the Emperor Wilhelm was looking on, obviously concerned about something. I imagined he was just worried that the food should be up to standard at such an prestigious event. He had kindly allowed me to use his kitchen to make my potion, of course, and I think that had been a success. I thought about going over to talk to him, but he probably had more important things on his mind, supervising the service.

Kurtis couldn’t find the dowager duchess and found himself sat next to an old soldier who couldn’t stop regaling him with old war stories, that got boring pretty quickly. To help the time pass Kurtis started knocking back the drinks and probably had a few too many.

Meanwhile, I had noticed an odd-looking, colourful troupe of dancers who seemed to be reluctant to actually do much dancing and seemed to be paying more attention to a large woman with a large ruby round her neck. I decided to find out who she was, and after asking her maid, found out it was the Dowager Duchess of Telland, herself. The maid told me the jewel was the largest Pink Ruby known and was called the Rose Tiger.

I wondered about Telland, as it was controversial as to whether it was part of the Empire, or part of Bretonnia and the servant, Hannah, told me it was actually part of the Empire. This is the sort of conversation, I think, that Kurtis had told me could attract prospective brides, so I felt this was the right time to tell her Kurtis was a good dancer and I called him over. It wasn’t long before Kurtis and Hannah were having a good chat so I went off to find someone else to talk to.

Kurtis was soon talking to the dowager duchess about the Rose Tiger. She seemed impressed by him, or at least his looks, and as he knocked back even more drinks decided he wanted to dance with her. The duchess explained that it wasn’t that sort of event, but that she would take him up on his offer at a later date.

Otto, with his track record in strange looking blades, had been wondering about the magic sword, and sent Schnitzel to make friends with the graf. But when the graf caught sight of the animal, declared it was a giant rat and offered a crown to whoever could kill the little bastard. Otto offered his services, being a rat catcher, and managed to get Schnitzel to play dead, convincingly enough that the graf promised Otto would get the money from one of his staff, later. Otto took the opportunity to ask the graf where he had got the sword. The graf explained that he had a contact who got it from a tomb in the Border Princes, until he realised he was a graf talking to a rat catcher and told Otto to bugger off.

Meanwhile Solvej, Gulgad, and Erhardt were still keeping an eye on the presents, which was very dutiful of them, but I’m not sure they really noticed much happening or helped in any way. But Otto noticed a couple of fellows who seemed noble at first glance but their clothes were actually quite ill-fitting and they didn’t seem to fit in at the event, either. They seemed to be manhandling a genuine noble so Otto asked them what they were up to, but they told him to piss off. He pretended to mishear them and started a conversation about getting drunk, but they threatened to throw him over the battlements if he didn’t go away. And so he had little choice but to watch them leave.

Natassia von Saponatheim then left the great hall early, complaining of a headache. Which is up to her and nothing to do with me, so I’m not sure why I’m bothering to make a note of it here. I think shaming noble brides and over-scrutinising their every act is all too common in this day and age and a fault of the popular newssheets, so there is no need for me to partake in that sort of activity here, especially at her wedding.

The festivities were starting to drag on by now, and some of the older nobles were sat round a table talking about old battles, while others were starting to disperse. The servants saw this as a good time to tuck into the leftovers. The dowager duchess told Kurtis it was time for bed, and so he wandered back to the old soldiers’ table.

Otto went out to the castle gardens, in the wake of the two rude ill-fitting non-nobles and heard a muffled cry coming from one of the overlooking apartments. Then he saw the two men carrying a heavy chest out towards the castle gates and told them that he wanted to help them. They started to tell him to leave but then changed their minds and insisted Otto come with them, as he had seen their faces. Otto started to get a bit worried and tried to leave but they held on to him and tried to steer him towards the gate.

Otto offered them a fair one-on-one fight where if he won, they would leave him alone, and if they won he would go with them, but they didn’t want to lose their two-to-one advantage and began dragging him away. And so he pulled out his dagger and stabbed one of them, while screaming for Gulgad to come and help. He got a good hit on his opponent, but they hit back wounding him, too.

Even with the noise of the party Kurtis, Solvej, and Erhardt managed to hear Otto’s cries for help, and as they ran down to help, Kurtis managed to attract Gulgad’s attention, too. They ran straight through the ornamental garden flattening the flower beds. Solvej shot an arrow at them, hitting one and Gulgad rushed in, also wounding him, and then Kurtis finished him off, severing his foot. The other one fled through the castle gates leaving the chest behind him. He shouted out that we hadn’t heard the last of the matter, and that Albrecht the Fish would be getting his money back one way or another.

In the traditional manner we decided to throw the dead gangster out of the window, or at least over the battlements, but he was still breathing. Solvej rushed to get me and bring me to the courtyard. I tried my best, but he had been left too long and was bleeding too heavily, and he died in front of me. Kurtis was standing over the body with a bloody sword. So, after promising to turn from violence and to serve Shallya, and being healed by her mercy, it took less than six hours for him to murder someone and cut off their foot. I asked him what had happened, but he said there was no time and he would explain later. He and Solvej dragged the body to the battlements and threw it over, and I was left to carry the severed foot and throw that over, too, may Shallya forgive me.

Meanwhile, Erhardt, Otto, and Gulgad had grabbed the chest and gone up to where Otto had heard the cries for help. They found a naked man tied to his bed. He had a fish stuffed in his mouth and had obviously been beaten. After removing the fish they were able to ascertain that he was Graf Johann von Gient, who had owed some gambling money and they had come to collect it. Erhardt gave him the chest back, and von Gient offered him a reward for its return. He said he didn’t know what sort of sum it should be and offered them two shillings each, which they took.

Six shillings! That is now the going rate for one of our murders. We were now killing people for six stupid shillings. What were they thinking? I hoped that they would reflect seriously on what they had done and what had been achieved. Why were we in this position where we were accepting such a paltry sum for cleaning up some feckless nob’s affairs by murdering a gangster? I sometimes think Shallya wants me to stay with this band in order to turn them to the correct path. But sometimes I just think they’re a bunch of hopeless thugs, and Shallya has no interest in them, or me, at all.

We even washed the bloodstains off the cobbles to hide our tracks, and as we finished, the Graf von Saponatheim himself came bundling down the stone staircase and rushed towards us. He was gibbering incoherently with fear but I managed to calm him with some well-chosen words to Shallya. He explained that he was being pursued by a monster and blamed it on the exotic weapon we had seen earlier. He said he had heard it was cursed but didn’t believe it. now he knew that it was true and he needed to get rid of it so that he wouldn’t be cursing his prospective son-in-law with the gift. He asked us if we would get rid of it for him, and we would be well rewarded. We asked him what we should do, and he said we could keep it, or sell it, or melt it, or whatever, he didn’t give a fuck as long as we got rid of it.

And as he spoke, behind him we could see the vision of some strange skeletal form dressed in once-rich rags, and adorned with gold, coming towards us and mouthing something unintelligible. None of us spoke the language the creature was trying to communicate in, but Erhardt knew some Classical and said it was saying we should return the blade to the tomb, but I think he was just making that up to look clever.

Solvej ran to fetch the blade and she was soon back with it and threw it on the floor near to the graf. He tried to pick it up, but I stepped on it, as the last thing we needed was a frantic graf waving that thing about. We retreated from the blade. The graf turned to see the monster, and the earlier madness returned, he was a gibbering mess once more. The monster bent to pick up the blade, but it slipped through its insubstantial grasp and the vision vanished.

Kurtis couldn’t resist picking the blade up. He said it felt good and was perfectly balanced, he also said it felt a bit warm and he could smell the exoticism, or something. Erhardt told him the blade was obviously cursed and that if he kept it, he would be haunted by the monster, so Kurtis handed the blade to Gulgad who wrapped it in his cloak. I was surprised that Otto didn’t want a go on the weapon, too.

We had a long discussion about what to do with the item. We were tempted to simply put it back in its case and let all these arrogant and privileged nobs deal with their own problems themselves. In any case, if we did want to return it, it would be a massive undertaking and we had no idea where it belonged. We were all tired and so decided to leave the problem until the morning. Gulgad took the sword down to the riverbank and hid it somewhere he’d be able to retrieve later, and we thought about going to bed.